Y’know when you’re in the Strictly Come Dancing studio audience, or at a particularly excitable pensioners’ performance of Sister Act: The Musical (yeah y’do) and every pair of working hands are snapping out a steady,

mechanical clap to soap star pirouettes and/or dancing nuns that’s the heartbeat of ‘Neon Jesus’: an unimaginative, 4/4, Crocodiles drum machine clack.

It doesn’t prevent this from being Crocodiles gold though, and neither does the fact that it’s been released once already.

It’s the first track that Crocodiles Charles Rowland and Brandon Welchez wrote together under this scale-y moniker

(which perhaps explains the grade-less processed beat) and promptly put out via their Zoo Music label.

Its limited 7” print run quickly sold out and it failed to make last year’s debut album, ‘Summer of Hate’, Crocodiles but still a permanent highlight of the band’s live shows, ‘Neon Jesus’ has never gone away. I

t’s far too cool for that. Brandon snarls a Bobby Gillespie twang (which in turn makes his delivery 2 parts Jagger)

while distorted guitars break from their early bar-chord Strokes-isms to buzz wasp-like around occasional, trippy organ chimes.

The sex though – the bit that gets you humping dead space in your bedroom comes from the groove thrusting from the fuzzy bass.

If the hole in the middle of this record were any bigger you’d probably try to shag it.

Gaggle’s debut single begins exactly like MIA’s ‘XR2’ – with a simple but speedy pulse that somehow tells us everything we need to know about the reggaeton carnival approaching.

Ten seconds later it arrives, flinging even more MIA tricks from its bouncing parade float.

There’s an obese bassline, unpredictable breaks, Crocodiles sci-fi electronics and mass group raps.

The problem is that the party turns sour all too quickly. As if stalling for time, and out of vocal ideas, it descends into obnoxious ranting as all 20
Gaggle-ers inaudibly babble on over each other.

Chop 60 seconds off and it would be brilliant.

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